Soulseeker:: The Random Musings of a Passerby

The Escape Artist

2010-09-19T13:42:00.000+08:00

I am not a robot.

2010-09-08T14:12:00.003+08:00

I'm so sick of picking up shit and still being the black sheep.
You want me to be there/here for you, but who's going to be there/here for me?
Do I save my sanity, save a life and lose you?
Or do I save your sanity, lose two lives but save yours?

On all counts, being practical means going. Being emotional is staying.

How am I supposed to help you when I'm not going to be strong enough to save myself if I stay?

Why can't you fight your own battles?

Why can't he be the one leaving?

2010-04-14T00:07:00.002+08:00

Have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me
-- Rainbow Connection

.
.
.

I can feel you drifting like a piece of wreckage at the mercy of the sea. But I won't interfere. I understand that it helps you somehow to shift blame onto someone else so you can deal, and if that has to be me...then ok. If I can't help you in any other way other than be the scapegoat...then ok. But I do wish you'd see the path ahead of you, I fear you may have reached your reserve tank and your own self-importance has limited what you'll be able to learn form this point on. But what do I know, I know nothing right?

Linking up the signs

2010-04-12T01:31:00.003+08:00

Now that all that unpleasantness is over and done with, let's talk about changing the world. Go on, say yes.

The Dreamforge; Museborn Shield, Soulsworn Steel says:
well, the true way to learn is to sacrifice your life to something...in some way
all the best artists at that studio, well one of the business people upstairs was like, oh they have no life but..they're happy with that. that's their life, their art and then..the same could be said of the same business person who said that to me anyway lol, cause she spends all her time networking and to me, that's like, wow, no life

[char] antidisestablishmentarianism is the second longest english word. says:
but you see, it's a case of what you're willing to sacrifice. you don't always have to be forlorn and morose to succeed or be an artist

The Dreamforge; Museborn Shield, Soulsworn Steel says:
lol of course not

[char] antidisestablishmentarianism is the second longest english word. says:
that's just a myth perpertuated by sadists who didn't want to see the world happy haha

The Dreamforge; Museborn Shield, Soulsworn Steel says:
you're good at what u do cause u do it all the time anyway

[char] antidisestablishmentarianism is the second longest english word. says:
haha, what am i good at? sorry, but applegirl hss left me needing assurance

The Dreamforge; Museborn Shield, Soulsworn Steel says:
stories. bridging people, and that's a valuable skill

[char] antidisestablishmentarianism is the second longest english word. says:
so sad right...to want to be assured i'm a geek. aiyoh..charlene charlene, you have weird insecurities

The Dreamforge; Museborn Shield, Soulsworn Steel says:
yeah very weird la

[char] antidisestablishmentarianism is the second longest english word. says:strange that you mentioned bridging people. tristan said the same thing the other day when i was talking to vicknesh at his film screening. we were talking about his new project and i was like, oh..i can try to help you. and tris was like, yes! she very good at that and i said in jest, i am ah? i should make a career out of it. and tris said, yes you should! really! and i told him it was kind of strange coz a day or two before we were picking value cards at nat's baha'i meeting and i got unity and now, you mention it again. like out of the blue with no knowledge of what has transpired before. *goosebumps* but yes, you can continue trying to prod my self-esteem now. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHa

The Dreamforge; Museborn Shield, Soulsworn Steel says:
LOL. hahaaa just continue doing what u do, and try to get paid for it.

Setting life in motion

2009-03-06T11:57:00.001+08:00

Visionary Philosopher
Your IQ Score is: 133

Your mind's strengths allow you to think ahead of the game — to imagine or anticipate what should come next in just about any situation. Because you're equally skilled in the numerical and verbal universes of the brain, you can draw from multiple sources of information to come up with great ideas. The timelessness of your vision and the balance between your various skills are what make you a Visionary Philosopher.

In addition to your strengths in math and linguistics, you have a knack for matching and anticipating patterns. These skills and your uncanny ability to detect the underlying blueprint of most of life's situations add to your Visionary Philosopher mind. Two philosophers who share the same combination of skills you possess are Plato and Benedict Spinoza. Spinoza had insight into how things worked in the world. He could envision a future based on the patterns he saw in life, and used mathematical logic as a structure within which to present his philosophical arguments. With that base he was able to use logic to formulate his theories. Borrowing from his linguistic strengths he wrote eloquent texts and, therefore, was able to bring his philosophical ideas and structure to the rest of the world. His story exemplifies the talents that are present in the Visionary Philosopher intellectual type.

Whatever you decide to do in life, you've got a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a wide variety of ways. You can expand your mind to understand a situation. Your strong balance of math and verbal skills will help you explain things to others. For example, if you were on an archaeological dig and discovered an object, you could probably use your deductive powers to figure out not only what the object was but also how it was used. Given your ability to put things together, you are more than capable of inventing a life plan that is in synch with your perspective on how things were, how they are, and how they might be one day.

Descriptive Classifications of Intelligence Quotients

IQ Description % of Population
130+ Very superior 2.2%
120-129 Superior 6.7%
110-119 High average 16.1%
90-109 Average 50%
80-89 Low average 16.1%
70-79 Borderline 6.7%
Below 70 Extremely low 2.2%

http://www.testq.com/

='0(

2009-02-20T03:25:00.001+08:00

"you're so busy changing the world
but just one smile could change all of mine
we share the same soul"
-- Jack Johnson's Angel

Just for the record

2009-01-19T01:44:00.002+08:00

This year, I will:
- get my tattoo
- clear my main debts
- learn the guitar
- advance my malay
- refresh my spanish
- be diligent in my studies
- go on a trip
- move on in my spiritual journey
- be more motivated to leave the house
- walk Casey more
- live, dance, sing and love more

God, bless this broken road that led me back to you

2009-01-18T23:03:00.001+08:00

I will offer up my life in spirit and truth
Pouring out the oil of love as my worship to You
In surrender I must give my every part
Lord receive the sacrifice of a broken heart

Chorus:
Jesus, what can I give
What can I bring
To so faithful a friend
To so loving a king
Saviour, what can be said
What can be sung
As a praise of Your name
For the things You have done

Oh my words could not tell
Not even in part
Of the debt of love that is owed
By this thankful heart

You deserve my every breath for You've paid the great cost
Giving up Your life to death, even death on a cross
You took all my shame away, there defeated my sin
Opened up the gates of Heaven, and have beckoned me in

What can I give
What can I bring
What can I sing as an offering, Lord
(What can I give
What can I give to You, to You)
-- M I C's I will offer my life

sitting in a bolt of blue.

2008-12-16T11:50:00.002+08:00

let's pretend that we have colds
and lie in bed and wear our robes around the house
and breath in basement books of old and dusty words
of stories told about somewhere else

no one else can see the seams
that sew the air into our dreams when we are young
we are

i can't take your breath away
but i'll show you a brand new way
with brand new love
i can't mend your wounded heart
but i'll give you a brand new start
with brand new love

let's pretend we never lie
and tell our truths and then let's cry real tears this time
we'll stain our lips with the colour of wine
and then we kiss and everything is fine again
it's cold outside but we are warm
inside each other we are born oh jesus christ
we are

i can't take your breath away
but i'll show you a brand new way
with brand new love
i can't mend your wounded heart
but i'll give you a brand new start
with brand new love

let's pretend that i have seen your smile, your touch
in my dreams of sentiment
i'm the queen, please come home soon
your crown is waiting on your throne in robes of red

but no one else can see the seams
that sew the air into our dreams when we are young
because we are

i can't take your breath away
but i'll show you a brand new way
with brand new love
i can't mend your wounded heart
but i'll give you a brand new start
with brand new love
-- serena ryder's brand new love

keep on crawling

2008-12-09T12:58:00.003+08:00

December has a strange hold on people.

Maybe it's the ending of the year so everyone rushes to make the year meaningful. Maybe it's the promise of a better, fuller year. Everyone is waiting for something to happen, something to budge. A nervous energy permeates through the air...anticipation, dread, hope. Loves returning to each other's arms, 2nd-hearts waiting for their turn to shine and a jigsaw piece crawling her way to her finished big picture.

We never know what the future holds, we never know what the present brings. I'm ok as long as I'm secure in my own beliefs...if I keep un-unexpecting. But as with life, we never live in our lives alone and everywhere you turn...someone is there with an opinion you either need to hear or want to tune out. The trick is in knowing whether the advice being given is worth following or if it will lead you away from your truer destiny. Of course, when friends tend to be angrier than you at a situation you choose to leave behind and forget...it gets hard to ignore one's inner voice and not feel sorry for yourself.

12 months, 4 deaths. The death of a future, the death of white patience, the death of brown instinct and the death of an angel. Whatever life throws at me...I know it won't break me because I've been blessed with (somewhat endless) love.

Even if right now, that gift seems more of a curse.

But persevere, persevere. What I reap, I can sow. And what I can't sow, I can feed to the birds.

"I sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate
and do they know
the places where we go
when we're grey and old
'cos I've been told
that salvation lets their wings unfold
so when I'm lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I'm right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

when I'm feeling weak
and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
and I know i'll always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
she breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I'm right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
when I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
-- robbie william's angels"

cruzing

2008-11-23T22:28:00.001+08:00

Learn to live a life of love. Leave your lamenting heart behind, lead your longing soul to seek love lost and you shall find.

if you're reading this and recognise it as yours...you are pretty wise. i like a man who's philosophical. ;0P .

Girl Interrupted

2008-11-18T12:33:00.002+08:00

The past week has been, well, weird?

My feelings were amplified and I'm strangely sensitive to everything...whether positively or negatively.

Today, I put everything in perspective. And I'm back to feeling neutral again. Which feels free, once again. We had a movie marathon on Sunday, a week after our last late-night almost-stayedover but didn't. Would things have been different if I had? Maybe, I sensed a tear in the bubblewrap that I could have squeezed through. But this break is about doing things we have to do and not be self-indulgent so I had to go back.

Girl, Interrupted sprung a revelation on me: "Crazy isn't being broken...it's you and me amplified." It was somewhere hovering at the back of my mind and now, I'm sure. But nothing can be done till both sets of eyes can see so it's back to just being there. I'm glad I've stopped driving myself crazy today...I hope this pause lasts longer.

I was proud lastlast Sunday, that I could get through the anger. I wasn't scared!

I. wasn't. scared.

!!! =0D

I knew then that this may actually work. Because I've seen him at his worst and I can draw him out. Younger T asked how I did it, he was amazed and I was proud of lil' ol' me.

We had a moment, me sitting with my back on the pole. I paused. I suggested. He looked at me...I wish I knew what went through his mind when he said ok.

Of course, as life goes...the highs were filled with lows. But now that I'm back to neutral, I hope I can see things for what they are and not what I think they are paranoia- or hope-wise.

Swisscuz says to trust my instincts because as it goes in German...women follow the element of water. So trust she says, and love wholeheartedly because there is no other way to love.

And I thank her for the reminder.

Share-athon

2008-11-14T13:51:00.001+08:00

I thought this was beautiful...found it on a friend's facebook.

"Sometimes, we love with nothing more then hope. Somethimes, we cry with everything except tears. In the end that's all there is: Love and its duty,sorrow and its truth. In the end that's all we have -to hold on tight until the dawn."

I am battle-scarred.

2008-11-04T11:47:00.001+08:00

he and I had something beautiful
but so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'cause I knew he'd never love me back

such pain as this
shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
still a little bit delirious

near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
'cause though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it's hard to move on
yet, I'm better near to you.

you and I have something different
and I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred,
but I am working oh so hard
to get back to who I used to be

he's disappearing, fading steadily
well, I'm so close to being yours,
won't you stay with me, please

near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
'cause though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it's hard to move on
yet, I'm better near to you

I only know that
I am better where you are
I only know that
I am better where you are
I only know that I belong
where you are

near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
'cause though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it's hard to move on
yet, I'm better near to you

-- a fine frenzy's near to you

This is me, complete.

2008-10-12T18:08:00.003+08:00

ten spiders crawl
on my walls
i guess that's all
it's just an ordinary day

i don't know when
we'll meet again
i guess it'll be
in an ordinary place

if my heart breaks
will you pick it up
and put it in a plastic box
if my heart fails
will you set it straight
and will you be there if i call
i still got you on speed dial

so beautiful
the lines you draw
and the lines that makes up
your ordinary face

through the day
and into the night
through this life
in an ordinary way
--grand avenue's ordinary

why is it that everytime i'm in a fix, i always think of you and feel safe. we've been out of this for so long...do you think it's time? my memories of you are on repeat, rainroseicecommandozoowrestlingsaltnvinegarcyclingmoviesetc.

it's been such a long time
and this is such a long rhyme
i'm finding it hard to end this verse
why don't you come here and fill me with words?

i think i'm ready for something complete
i think i'm ready to be swept off my feet
i'm scared but i'm hopeful
i'm gutless but i'm crazy
why don't you come here and fill me with words

...maybe you're the someone who's been worth the wait.

You're my beautiful mess.

2008-09-24T02:02:00.001+08:00

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.

-- Jason Mraz's Beautiful Mess

Someone wrote after this song, that a girl like this...is easy to fall in love with but hard to live with.

You anyhow only la..nothing

2008-09-19T01:04:00.001+08:00

Dare I hope?

This is what I look like today
And I'm trying not to pull out my hair
I'm trying hard to grow it but I'm far too shy to show it back there
That is probably why I like wearing hats
There's no denying I'm deferring the facts
Avoiding confrontation
Lacks tact in a situation
Behind every line is a lesson yet to learn

But if you asked me
The feeling that I'm feeling is overwhelming
And oh, it goes to show
There's so much to know

I wrote this for my prettiest friend
But while trying not to prove that I care
I was trying not to make all my moves in one motion and scare her away
Well she can't see she's making me crazy now
I don't believe she knows she's amazing how
She has me holding my breath
So I'll never guess that I'm a none such unsuitable, suited for her

And if you ask me
The feeling that I'm feeling is complimentary
And oh, it goes to show
The moral of the story is boy loves girl
And so on, but the way it unfolds is yet to be told

I know that I should be brave
Even pretty can be seen by the blind
I know that I cannot wait
Until the day we finally learn how to find each other
Redefining open minds

And if you ask me
The feeling that I'm feeling is overjoyed
And it's golden, it goes to show then
The ending of this song should be left alone
And so on 'cause the way it unfolds is yet to be told
-- Jason Mraz's Prettiest Friend

We're not fighting.

2008-09-16T20:41:00.003+08:00

I don't know if you've realised it...but while everyone sings, "I've had the rest of you, now I want the best of you"; I sing "I've had the best of you, now I want the rest of you." I refuse to put you through more pain, i just want to eliminate yours and you don't need any more drama from me. So I take the backseat and wish you well.

The only thing I can be is myself, pure and simple...I'm not going to be aloof and play hard-to-get, I'm not going to be needy and beg. I'll be sweet, I'll give you token gifts when you're down, I'll write poems and perform, I'll sing-jam with you, I'll be there if you need to talk. Right now, all you want is a friend and that's what I'll be.

And while it hurts sometimes that I can't tell you everything now...I can only trust in myself that one way or another, this will be worth it.

Friends put happiness before themselves

2008-09-03T23:33:00.003+08:00

I wish I could tell you how happy I am for you..great job offer, great study opportunities and a chance to perform at your favourite hangout, all in one bloody day. I wish I could have seen how nervous you were before you got up on stage, how you sat down..took a deep breath..gave that nervous smile of yours and then wowed the socks off everyone. I wish I could see the pride on your face when you finished and everyone clapped/wolf-whistled/cheered.

The thing is..all these can still be said but what can't be said, is the joke telling you how lucky you are to have a girlfriend like me as well.

Like I used to.

But bah, I'm being a humbug. I'm happy for you and I'm not going to let anything dampen my mood. Woohoo!!!

Something something

2008-09-02T14:21:00.002+08:00

Why do you look when you've already found it?

Why do you look when you've already found me?
What did you find that could leave you walking by?

These nights I get high just from breathing.
When I lie here with you I'm sure that I'm real,
like that firework over the freeway.
I could stay here all day but that's not how you feel

What makes it so easy for you to be walking by?

-- Something Corporate's Walking By

I'll crawl, there's things that are worth giving up I know,
but I won't let this get me,
I will fight, you live the life you're given with the storms outside,
some days all I do is watch the sky,
and some days
all I do is watch the sky

and I think I, I could use a little break
today was a good day
and I think I, I could use a little break,
but today was a good day

-- Something Corporate's Watch the Sky

Love without Ownership

2008-08-21T13:47:00.004+08:00

"I have been waiting for you here at the oasis for a long time. I have forgotten about my past, my traditions, and the way in which men of the desert expect women to behave. Ever since I was a child, I have dreamed that the desert would bring me a wonderful present. Now, my present has arrived, and it's you."

"You have told me about your dreams, about the king and your treasure. And you have told me of omens. So now, I fear nothing, because it was the omens that brought you to me. And I am part of your dream, a part of your Personal Legend, as you call it."

"That is why I want you to continue toward your goal. If you have to wait until the war is over, then wait. But if you have to go before then, go on in pursuit of your dream. The dunes are changed by the wind, but the desert never changes. That's the way it will be with our love for each other.

"Maktub," she said. "If I am really a part of your dream, you'll be back one day."

"I'm a desert woman, and I'm proud of that. I want my husband to wander free as the wind that shapes the dunes. And, if I have to, I will accept the fact that he has become a part of the clouds, and the animals, and the water of the desert."

Fatima, The Alchemist

Curtain call

2008-07-16T22:26:00.000+08:00

Don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtains finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone
(You better hurry up)
Before the sprinklers come on
Talkin' bout "Girl, I love you you're the one..."
This just looks like a re-run
(Please)
What else is on?

And don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtains finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

Ohhhhhh And the award for the best liar goes to you
For makin' me believe
That you could be
Faithful to me
Let's hear your speech
Oh...

How bout a round of applause?{laugh}
Standin' ovation.......

But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
Now it's time to go
Curtains finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertaining' eyeahhhhh
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

But it's over now...
-- Rihanna's take a bow

Que Sara Sara

2008-07-14T10:28:00.002+08:00

I'm not moping as much nowadays. I think I'm resigned to just go with the flow, there's still that part of me that hopes you flow my way but whatever will be, will be.

Don't know what to do anymore
I've lost the only love worth fighting for
I'll drown in my tears
Don't they see?
That which show you, that which make you hurt like me

All the same
I don't want mudslinging games
It's such a shame
To let you walk away

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

Don't know if our fate's already sealed
This day's spinning surface on a wheel
I'm ill with the thought of your kiss
Coffee laced intoxicating on her lips

Cut it out
I've got no claim on you now
Not allowed to wear your freedom down

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may chance your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

I'll tear myself away
That is what you need
There is nothing left to say
But

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
The day's still ashes and wine
Or are we ashes?
A Fine Frenzy's Ashes and Wine

Sunk

2008-07-02T00:25:00.002+08:00

Drifting, drifting, wasting away.

I'm on the verge of a breakdown and once again...nobody's around. The great friend is musing on her own problems and hasn't yet realised that I'm struggling on my end to pay for the 2hr one-sided long-distance calls that haven't at all eased my internal aches. The rest have been kept out for fear of complicating my situation and burdening them with unneeded anguish. The family's blowing up at each other and picking, picking, picking.

I'm just glad he stepped up today to give me a break from the negativity and let me have some peace and quiet. You will never know how close you came to saving me and my sanity.

.
.
.

The last few days have been tough. I guess everything's catching up and I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew. On one hand, I'm excited and thrilled. On the other, I'm scared shitless and my self-esteem is giving me a double-blow.

I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough.

I feel like this facade and illusion I've created of how capable I really am is going to unravel. I almost burst out in tears again at art class. I can't do this...not when I can see I'm one of the worst in class.

It doesn't help that I've been feeling suicidal. If I can escape before I can be put to the test, then I can't possibly fail right? Nope, not right. Yesterday, I thought of abandoning work and just rotting at home. Then I thought of flinging myself onto a car as I walked home.

I'm losing it.

Thank you. Thank you. For picking up my call, for letting me come over, for letting me stay over, for saving my life. I really felt so low today and it scared the living shit out of me.

I have friends. I have to remember that. They haven't abandoned me, I've just been pushing them away. Remember Char, remember.

of sandfly bites and wee hours of the morning

2008-06-28T00:48:00.002+08:00

i guess i need to trust you just like i want you to trust me. thanks very much for the talk. let's see where this leads k?

heh, i kinda like the irony of you not being able to be happy until i move on and me not being able to move on until you're happy. it just says a lot about two principled people trying to get through life.

we felt this coming on
we've seen it for a while
but there are no regrets between us
we can leave here with a smile
we have to talk about it
what we've always known
the hardest part about today
is tonight we'll be alone
alone

we were just two hearts
bound for different roads
oh why they didn't lead us to forever
we may never know
oh i will carry you with me
i will hold on to our memories
don't let the dreams we didn't find
make you feel like giving up
keep holding on and
don't lose your faith in love

life's gonna move on
and the pages start to turn
we'll be stronger people now
from the lessons that we've learned
this one's gonna hurt
it's a little deeper break
but just know i'm praying for you
as i watch you walk away

we were just two hearts
bound for different road
why they didn't lead us to forever
we may never know
oh i will carry you with me
i will hold on to our memories
don't let the dreams we didn't find
make you feel like giving up
keep holding on and
don't lose your faith
in love

it can hold you, it can save you
from anything or anyone
heaven knows who's waiting for you
when two hearts come undone

oh i will carry you with me
i will hold on to our memories
don't let the dreams we didn't find
make you feel like giving up
keep holding on and
don't lose your faith
oh never ever lose your faith
in love

don't ever lose your faith

-- faith in love, reba mcentire & rascal flatts

The Only Promise That Remains

2008-06-18T23:59:00.002+08:00

When the ground beneath you starts a-shakin', shakin'
And you forget the place we came from, came from
When you're lost and lookin' for your way home, you're way home to me
I'll come out and find you

When the world around you starts a-movin', movin’
And you should wonder if I still love you, love you
If you feel the darkness comin', risin' inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home

And after all the sky is fallin' down
And after all the water's washed away
My love's the only promise that remains

When your doubts have got you thinkin', thinkin’
Nothing's ever really sacred, sacred
And you're afraid you might believe it...
Believe in me
And I'll give you a reason

Cause the world around us keeps on movin', movin’
And there's no doubt that I still love you, love you
So when you feel the darkness comin', risin' inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home

And after all the sky is fallin' down
And after all the water's washed away
My love's the only promise that remains
My love's the only promise that remains
My love's the only promise that remains

And after all the sky is fallin' down
(After all the sky is fallin' down)
And after all the water's washed away
(After all the water's washed away)
My love's the only promise that remains
-- Reba McEntire & Justin Timberlake: The Only Promise That Remains

Blind faith...something we don't believe in

2008-05-17T20:57:00.002+08:00

Just when I'd given up...a little voice said, stay and fight.

You just need one to stay and fight, it said...small, tiny and squeaking away.

As if the universe was trying to edge me on, i suddenly noticed the last verses of Nickelback. So yay, I thought...maybe there's a chance. But half a day I waited, then a full day.

I was forgotten, lost amongst the remmants of booze and drugs. So I called and there it was again, the resounding tinkle of a thousand bits, unglued and unstuck. Why do I have so many expectations? Because I was promised a day, an hour, something with you once the exams were over. Because I've been looking forward to this day for a month and a half. Because this lung-upheaving cough I have is partly due to the creation of a Little Nile on my bedspread over the past 6 weeks. Because when everyone included yourself have given up on you, I still believe. Like you believed in me.

A long time ago, you loved me once. And even if I won't let us be together until you've proven yourself once again. I still believe in us...although you keep trying to show why I shouldn't.

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS]
I love you
I've loved you all along
And I miss you
been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS] that I love you
I've loved you all along
And I miss you
been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
(So far away)
been far away for far too long
So far away
been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cause I needed
I need to hear you say:
that I love you
(I love you)
I've loved you all along
And I forgive you
(and I forgive you)
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and never let me go
Nickelback's Far Away

2008-05-09T00:52:00.002+08:00

It's amazing sometimes how one little misunderstanding can open up a whole can of worms...well, maybe I wouldn't use the word 'amazing' but something more like: 'heart-wrenching', 'gut-ripping', 'world-tearing'. It's officially over now. No more friends, no more late-night songs, no more chance. It started with an im letting him know i wouldn't disturb his studying since he obviously didn't want to talk - to a complete blow-by-blow account of my heart ripping at the seams. Apparently, the truth that was out...wasn't all out and now it is, and it has culminated to me dripping snort on my dog's fur as he lies on my lap trying to ignore its heaving as my sobs turn to wails and my cough gets worse. I'm gasping for air now and I don't even know what's causing it, this arse-luck cough or the fact that I finally see how utterly unlovable I must be for him to be lying to me all these months.

The thing that struck me was when he said there were times he wished it'd end. I looked at the message and thought, Gee...so did I but I tried to make it work.

I guess the bottomline I need to get in my head is really...that I'm not worth the effort to try to make this work, because he never tried. And thus, I know I'm unlovable, and un-everything.

This is not self-pity...this is another skeptic being born. I have lost all reason to continue believing: family, friends and now him. I don't why I was born capable and smart, it doesn't mean anything when there's no one to share everything with.

2008-05-08T22:47:00.001+08:00

I am, I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king
And then became one
Well, except for the names and a few other changes
If you talk about me, the story's the same one

But I got an emptiness deep inside
And I've tried but it won't let me go
And I'm not a man who likes to swear
But I've never cared for the sound of being alone

I am, I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why

I am, I said
I am, I cried
I am...
Neil Diamond's I am I said

I know the reason I'm lost but the reason doesn't know anything.

happy non-anniversary to me

2008-04-25T22:54:00.000+08:00

Overlooked, unappreciated

2008-04-20T21:47:00.002+08:00

My mum checked her mail and saw my bro's poly graduation letter. She just turned to me and asked, when's your poly graduation...how come you never invited us? THREE freaking years after it happened! So I told her the truth, "I did but you guys said you were busy and didn't want to"..."Oh really? Are you sure?"

Yes mum, I'm quite sure. I remember everytime the both of you never made time for me.

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive -- not dead.
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead.
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

The greatest fan of your life
...greatest fan of your life
-- edwin mccain's i'll be

Gilmore

2008-04-20T18:17:00.001+08:00

Chris: I needed space!
Lorelai: Well, I needed you and you won't there. And the worst part is part of me wasn't surprised.

Falling off the carpet

2008-04-20T17:43:00.007+08:00

She hangs on with her fingertips as the carpet flies
Over and under, up and around
She's slipping, slipping but no one sees her high amongst the clouds
The people go about their business below
Oblivious to her struggle

The only one capable of helping her
Of reaching out before she falls into the darkness
Sits at the other end
But he is lost in his thoughts and doesn't see her
He doesn't answer her calls
He's too busy watching the birds play and contemplating their fate

Should she hang on and hope he notices even though the carpet's unravelling?
Or should she just let go now and welcome the wind with open arms?

Struck down and muted out

2008-04-13T22:53:00.002+08:00

So many things to say, no where to say it. I'm so scared of taking a breath too much in case everything around me will fall apart

Bran was hopitalised recently

I'm broke

My parents are sleeping in separate rooms

I'm back at square one with the new move

The love of my life isn't sure if he wants me

I can't find my original testimonials for my scholarship application

Trapeze-swinging

2007-05-01T16:20:00.000+08:00

See, the problem with me is...I'll keep quiet and persevere when things are bad. But when things are great, I question and only feel good when things go back to being bad.

I want to curl up in my cocoon until the world makes sense again. But the cognitive dissonance in me doesn't want this high to end.

Of obligations

2007-03-26T12:19:00.000+08:00

I'm sick of being the scrapegoat.

Our family isn't breaking apart. It's already apart.

It's been apart for so long, you just never saw it. I shut them out a long time ago. It doesn't affect me as much if I keep detached from it all. Stay home and get shouted out at for things I don't do. So I stay out, because what's the point of being in all this negativity? And when I do that, I still get shouted at.
But at least I can stand that because i know it's something I did.

I need to do this.

Because even though I know what I'm capable of, my doubts appear every time they bring me down. I need to prove to myself that I can do this and that I don't need them. The best part is, I'm moving out to keep away from obligation. And here my sister is making me feel obliged to meet her knowing full well, I'd meet her if she didn't force me.

I never understood why they keep pushing me away. But i pushed back. Now they want to pull me back in but the poison's seeped in too much.

It's pissing me off even more that they're blaming someone they don't even know for this. For inciting me. Well, fuck you. You don't know me. You don't know him. You don't know my friends. You don't know what I'm capable of.

I AM the black sheep of the family. Always have been, always will be. Live with it.

At least I'm not negative, overly-spoiled, racist and patronising.

This is what emotional blackmail looks like

2007-03-14T14:53:00.000+08:00

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
--Kelly Clarkson's Because of You

Let me breathe

2007-03-13T10:31:00.000+08:00

You've given me my wings
And as small as they seem to you
Trust in them, trust in me, trust in you

If a hawk comes to get me, let it
I want to be able to live my life knowing I've tried.

As a deer

2007-03-12T13:39:00.000+08:00

I thought this was pretty interesting:
BIRTHVERSE consists of 366 verses chosen from the 66 books of the Bible. Each verse correlates the chapter and verse with its month and day. Your birth was appointed by God and has been recorded as your birthday...Claim your verse, study it, memorize it and share it with others. But most of all, allow God to reveal Himself to you through your BIRTHVERSE.

So anyway...mine says:
Luke 11:9 NIV
So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

And that's pretty true actually...I keep questioning and he keeps answering. I needed a place and he found me one like that *clicks fingers*. Which also means that the gut feeling I had about my purpose...to help others in whatever they do is right. Yay!

After which, my hands got a little itchy, so I went to check out the birthdays of others and this one stood out:

Hebrews 9:28 NIV
so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.

Which really explains alot, and I'm so proud of this person's strength of character. =0)

Of see-through crystals and invisible canopies

2007-02-28T12:11:00.000+08:00

I'm empty and aching
And tumbling and breaking

Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

I dream a world where you understand
That I dream a million sleepless nights
Well I dream of fire when you're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends
Nothing but good friends

Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

This is the place in my heart
This is the place where I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met
And is this the last chance that I'll ever get
I wish I was lonely instead of just only
Crystal and see-through and not enough to you
-- paris hilton's you don't see me

So it's official.

I told her royal highness I'd leave my house by end mar. I love the fact that even with all the shit going on, people are going out of their way for me and I love everyone of you so so much. If all else, at least I have adoptive parents who offered their home to me till I find a place on my own.

0_0. omg. I'm part of two.

2007-02-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

This is the place where I sit
This is the part where I love you too much
This is as hard as it gets
Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours you can hold me
I'm empty and aching
And tumbling and breaking
-- paris hilton's you don't see me

Satellite watching

2007-02-16T18:16:00.001+08:00

I reckon I'm going to pop a St John's Wart or two on my way out of the house. I just need some quiet moments of sanity before plunging myself into the crowd. I asked Nat once, "Why the hell am I so nice?!"

I'm just hoping thedude's in a quiet-balm-to-my-nerves mood. Bleah. Oh yes, I need to bitch.

I need a breather.

And I need to get my act together about school - like an emergency sewing session before all the seams fray. I'm somewhat happy though...by now I'd be breaking down to impermanent tears but I still feel pretty strong, albeit resigned.

You're a song
Written by the hands of god
Don't get me wrong
This might sound to you a bit odd
But you own the place
Where all my thoughts go hiding
And right under your clothes
Is where I find them

Underneath your clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey

Because of you
I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you
I'm running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party's over
We will still belong to each other
-- Shakira's Underneath your clothes

Killing Time

2007-02-13T16:58:00.000+08:00

I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe [just maybe]
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all, You're my wonderwall
-- Oasis' Wonderwall

All of life is clumsy, all i see is crazy

2007-02-07T12:02:00.000+08:00

what excites me
what defies my common sense
what makes up for what is lacking in the end
finally found an answer deep in you
and then you lose it
and it's true
when it's just too much of a good thing

no one likes me when i act like this
what possessed me to behave like this
i'm afraid to lose my mind
and then i lose it
and it's true
when it's just too much of a good thing
-- the observatory's a good thing

Wednesday, February 7th, 2007 PST

Scorpio
(Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Your creativity surges today, demonstrating your originality and brilliance, as long as you don't try too hard. Oddly enough, the more you attempt to force something, the less likely you are to succeed. You are being taught a lesson about spontaneity, so have fun and be as childlike as possible.
General Daily Overview
We won't likely be able to feel the sense of balance and harmony today that usually comes along with the peaceful Libra Moon. Beautiful Venus, Libra's key planet, joins wild and crazy Uranus, jolting us out of our emotional complacency. Love can explode into consciousness like fireworks on Independence Day. And although we are freer now to express our unconventional desires, there is less stability once we step outside the socially accepted box.

Her story so far

2007-02-02T13:12:00.000+08:00

She drove a long way through the night
From an urban neighborhood
She left her mother in a fight
For a dream misunderstood
And her friends they talk on corners
They could never comprehend

But there was always something different
In the way she held a stare
And the pictures that she painted
Were of glamour and of flair
And her boyfriend though he loved her
Knew he couldn't quite fulfill
He could never meet her there

She's never gonna be like the one before
She read it in her stars that there's something more
No matter what it takes, no matter how she breaks
She'll be the Queen of Hollywood

And the cynics they will wonder
What's the difference with this dream
And the dreams of countless others
All believing in TV
They see their handprints in a sidewalk
Flashing cameras on the scene
And a shining limousine

She's never gonna be like the one before
She read it in her stars that there's something more
No matter what it takes, no matter how she breaks
She'll be the Queen of Hollywood
She's believing in a dream (Queen of Hollywood)

It's a loaded fantasy, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Now her mother collects cut-outs
And the pictures make her smile
But if she saw behind the curtains
It could only make her cry
She's got hand prints on her body
Sad moonbeams in her eyes
Not so innocent a child
-- The Corrs, Queen of Hollywood

1st ponder

2007-01-29T05:18:00.000+08:00

I feel myself sinking, yet I also know I'm on a buoy. It's confusing really, to want to be depressed so I don't need to censor the demons in my head. But I've given these demons a wide workout, so I hope they dont haunt me for a long time.

Sigh, the sacrificing I do for the sake of my sanity. Sometimes I think it'd be worth more if I embraced all that life threw at me and went IMH-crazy.

No song I could sing

2007-01-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

This road that I'm taking twists and turns
My life, my chance turning dreams into reality
Down this path faced with many things
Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away

Can't seem to go on
And I've been through this before
Now, where am i, where do I stand...a little lost here
But I remember...all those times you brought me through
I'd be a fool to give up because the goal is near

I'll move on, I'll go on
Lord, I will take your hand and you will guide me along
To ride through this storm
So I say, come what may
I'll hold on to my hope
Yes, I will walk down this road and with my passion
Life will lead me on

Here I am...once again
Caught in the rain
Looking back, I've come so far
And I want to carry on
Take a step at a time, it's alright
Even through this rain, I want to smile again

Don't hold back now,
I've been through this before
Now, where am i, where do I stand...a little lost here
But I remember all those times you brought me through
I can feel the sun shining down on me

Here I am, here I am
Lord I will take your hand and you will guide me along
To ride through this storm
So I say, come what may
I'll hold on to my hope
Yes, I'll walk down this road and with my passion
Life will lead me on
-- Olivia Ong's I'll Move On.

Today's Outlook forThursday January 04, 2007
The Moon enters heart-centered Leo at 4:14 am EST, reminding us that love can be quite playful.
Meanwhile, romantic Venus entered intellectual Aquarius late last night, so we simultaneously seek the comfort of detachment. We are less attracted to sentimental traditions as we forge new relationships between love and intimacy. We are tempted to escape the restrictive boxes in which desire is normally contained until Venus leaves Aquarius on January 29.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Your emotional heart and your logical head might be engaged in conflict, yet it doesn't have to be unpleasant. It's simple; you must practice holding two positions at once. Understanding that
there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and that there is no immediate solution to your divergent needs can alleviate the pressure to act one way or the other. Your current confusion is a spiritual gift, as long as you don't try to make sense of it yet.

I sold my soul for the second time

2007-01-02T22:07:00.000+08:00

I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine
If you give me a minute
A mans got a limit
I cant get a life if my hearts' not in it

I lost my faith in the summertime
Cos it don't stop raining
The sky all day's as black as night
But I'm not complaining
I begged my doctor for one more line
He said "Son, words fail me"
- Oasis' the importance of being idle

---

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving

Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here?
And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together

It's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things
For tomorrow night you see that they'll be gone too
Too many things I have to do

But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
I was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We'll Sit beneath the mango tree now

It's always better when we're together
We're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say

But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together.

- Jack Johnson's better together

But artists are fun =0(

2006-12-31T10:33:00.000+08:00

The Window Shopper
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDf)

Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Your exact opposite:
The Stiletto

Deliberate Brutal Sex Master

Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

BEWARE: The Hornivore

CONSIDER: The Gentleman, The Loverboy, The Boy Next Door

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.

Preparing to take stock

2006-12-27T15:22:00.000+08:00

Well, things are looking up at least. Was just reflecting on the year and I think I did pretty good.

I just don't like the last month or so because it feels like my independence from the family has sunk lower.

I'm the worst person to talk to about family ties.

Pangbornian etiquette

2006-12-14T13:56:00.000+08:00

Last night, I had a vision of what New Year's Eve was going to be like. Now, I don't know whether to look forward to it or dread it. Heh.

Let it go the natural way

2006-12-08T14:09:00.000+08:00

There's so many people who can talk and talk and talk and just say nothing, or nearly nothing

- Olivia Ong's One Note Samba

Para el pequenno hermano Pt 2

2006-12-05T14:00:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, when I feel like I've lost him completely...I come across things like this by pure accident. And think that maybe there's still a strand or two left I can hold on two.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
k i just have to say that my next-of-kin is a genius...i worship the ground she walks on.....like really ok, we should all worship middle kids because they are the best....first, she fixes up the links, then the archives then the chatterbox, now she's
even going to buy me dinner because i asked her to just now...i love my sister...but then she has my blood and i am a god so i guess that makes her a goddess...i'm talking crap right now because i'm going to play soccer..mahahaha

It feels good for a while then I lose all feeling again

2006-12-05T13:04:00.000+08:00

I finally watched 3 Needles last night. Quite good, although I missed the beginning due to the jam on the way from work.

Disturbing, yes. Thought-provoking, yes. I'm still slightly traumatised and feeling quite useless.

Their perceptions vs mine

2006-12-04T14:52:00.000+08:00

Last night I was in a cab with someone and he asked what I was going to do after LASALLE. So I told him my plan, well a rough outline anyway and I ended with a 'But then again, that's about 3 years from now so i'll decide exactly where later.'

He countered with a 'True, but 3 years passes by really fast. It'll be here before you know it.'

And I was stumped.

All I could reply was a feeble 'Yea, but i'm planning to work about a year or two first so that's some extra time.'

See, I do have a reason to work as much as I do. Don't shove your ideals down my throat, I manage my life quite well thank you. Well, except financially la.

In other news, the zoo called today!

Argh...my eyes!

2006-12-01T12:35:00.000+08:00

Ugh. This look is so sterile. Just bear with it...once my laptop's up, I'll try out some funkysaurus-type design. Ok, so I'm really just talking to myself. The bro's site looks better though, I always try harder for others. Bleah. I hate widgets.

A slight shift...and finally some movement

2006-11-29T18:06:00.000+08:00

Hmm...moved to the new version of blogger so let's see how it goes. Lol, it's really a blind move since they don't REALLY show you how it goes inside...just a whole smorgasboard of new features that they throw at you in the hopes that you don't move to some new fancy site. The dashboard is a little crowded..suddenly there's all this extra texts but hey, it doesn't seem so bad. I've also learnt something new...I have 172 (well, 173 by the time I post this) posts since I started this 2 years ago. That's less than half a year of daily posting. This blog is severly underused!

Anyhow...it looks like things are finally moving along for f.rgotten. Look out for us on 11 Dec 06..that's when we start spamming all of you! *evil cackle* After half a year of planning, we finally have...an e-mail account. Now, we need to sort what we want for our website - a no-frills blogsite or a fancymancy fully-loaded website. So yes, I'm off to head home now to make more stuff. The itch isn't subsiding and I love it!

Oooo! Did I mention this new version has categories? So fun! Now, I need to find the time to categorise all 173 posts (well, 172 since I'll label this when I'm done) because that's how anal I can be.

Love you all..remember, the world is good and clear, and the seas are calling out for karma!

Para el pequenno hermano

2006-11-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

I wish I could tell him I know how he feels...

To be sucked in deeper and deeper into a feeling you don't understand.
To not be able to finger the cause of this heaviness in your heart.
To look around and know you're hurting the ones closest to you and not be able to stop.
To be constantly defeated by yourself because all you see are your faults.

Everytime I come close to telling him, come close to reaching out...I feel us drifting further and further, with him pushing and pushing. I understand you know, I really do. And eventually, you'll find the strength within yourself to climb back up from the pit. You'll hear this little rumbling within you and you'll start to know what to do...what little steps you can take to make changes. It doesn't happen overnight, but you will feel a slight difference.

It comes back to haunt you occasionally after that. Think of it as the anti-thesis of the yes-man. It makes you question yourself and your intentions, giving you the conviction to move on in the right direction for you. In the meantime, try to work around the negativity surrounding you...concentrate on your strengths, be considerate to the people around you and keep working on fighting it. It's an uphill battle, but you'll get there. It took me 4 years to get over mine...and 5 years on, I still dip back in now and then. But I've learnt to enjoy it.

Everything in moderation.

When htwoo comes in contact with fe

2006-11-22T17:27:00.000+08:00

When steel contacts water, an electrochemical process starts. On the surface of the metal, iron is oxidized to iron(II):

Fe -> Fe2+ + 2e-
The electrons released travel to the edges of the water droplet, where there is plenty of dissolved oxygen. They reduce the oxygen and water to hydroxide ions:

4e- + O2 + 2H2O -> 4OH-
The hydroxide ions react with the iron(II) ions and more dissolved oxygen to form iron oxide. The hydration is variable, however in its most general form:

Fe2+ + 2OH- -> Fe(OH)2
4Fe(OH)2 + O2 -> 2(Fe2O3.xH2O) + 2H2O
Hence, rust is iron(III)oxide, which is formed by the dehydration of iron(II) hydroxide. Corrosion tends to progress faster in seawater than fresh water due to higher concentration of sodium chloride ions, making the solution more conductive. Rusting is also accelerated in the presence of acids, but inhibited by alkalis, through passivation. Rust can often be removed through electrolysis, however the base metal object can not be restored through this method.

---

Ah yes, I'm being random again. But fear not...I'm just keeping restlessness at bay. The proposed Nalanda University sounds really promising - psychology, philosophy, and policies all in one place while firmly entrenched in Buddhist values and compassion. That's such a provoking thought.

Musical oasis

2006-11-13T00:55:00.000+08:00

I want to make music like Poem and Stay.

Wheee..I'm going to be free in 9 hours!!!

Our tragedies within

2006-11-11T14:08:00.000+08:00

I used to go to school with her.

Her voice has always been great. And coupled with that, she was friendly & fun. I was fascinated by her...how someone could be so real and so surreal. She was perfection to me - made even more so because you could tell that she had a lot going on at times, a slight tragedy lurking beneath the surface. She was the one I looked up to throughout primary school and when I went on to secondary school, I anticipated the day I'd see her again. I'm glad she's gone on to do what she loves to do.

Hold me, please hold me
Just take my hand in yours and hang on to it tightly
Just sit here, please stay here
You don't have to say a thing, just don't leave me alone
I need you to be here
You don't have to understand me, I'm too complicated for me
Don't feel like you have to say something
your silence is more than you could ever know
- Shanny Sena's Stay

Lovely pools of diluted iodine

2006-11-06T12:39:00.000+08:00

Well, on the upside...if my stomach keeps feeling this way till i'm better, i'm going to have rockhard abs!

At ria's now, nekopan is the biggest cat ever!

I've got nothing to worry about,
So I worry about nothing.
I think I've got fleas or some tropical disease
And my spider-sense is tingling.

I've got nothing to panic about,
So I panic about nothing.
I won't buy grapes, I check the 'sell by' dates,
And I only eat fruit out of tins.

I've got the blues,
I've got lifts in my shoes,
And I'm scared of the countryside.
I can't sleep 'cause I see spiders
When I close my eyes.

I've got nothing to be afraid of,
So I'm afraid of nothing.
I've emptied out the cupboard underneath the stairs
Because I think the sky is gonna fall in.

How did I get to be such a
Mess so soon in my life?
I can't sleep 'cause I see spiders
When I close my eyes.

All I ever wanted to be
Was comfortable and kind.
I can't sleep 'cause I see spriders
When I close my eyes.

I'd love to go to San Francisco,
But I'm too afraid to fly.
I can't help it, I see spiders
When I close my eyes.
- the boy least likely to's i see spiders when i close my eyes

The one where I whine and tell you a very very long story of absolute triviality

2006-11-05T11:07:00.000+08:00

Gah. The stupid asthmatic-bronchitis imitator of a cough is back, just after I thought I was over the haze-induced one. Bloody hell. Like I need to visit the polyclinic again, wait two hours only to be told by them that I might have a lung infection and therefore need an xray which I'll never get the results for.

So apart from the fact that my life shortens with each chest-hurting, throat-wrenching, phlegm-hogging cough, I'm doing alright. Dying, but alright. Stressed, but good.

Assessment is next Monday which leaves me 6.5 days to finish 5 bigass paintings, 3 research journals, 1 personal journal, 6 A1 still-life paintings/sketches, 10 A4 still-life paintings/sketches, 10 A4 plant plantings/sketches and 5 mixed-media portrait sketches. I'm heading to lil' ms random's in a bit coz she's helping me compile the journals. Also need to be at my sister's at 6-ish coz she planned a birthday not-so-surprise surprise for me, rushed, rushed...so bloody rushed. If all goes well, after the 13th, I can concentrate on this f.orgotten business and not worry about deadlines...at least deadlines set by others for two months.

I also need to find a job because my contract ends this month.

School's alright, slight politics are starting to show but it's all trivial matters...mostly just differences in opinion, ego trips and general tactlessness. Or at least that's with the slight conflicts I have. I may have a slight exhibition/gamenight thing happening in February but I'll confirm that at a later date.

The music fac played again on Friday much to the chagrin of Maxine and the amusement of the rest of us. Well, at least they seem to be getting better. I hope none of them stumble upon this...-_-. The music was good, some bands were really tight. But the vocalists need to choose songs that fit their voices, and at least try to stay in tune. And no Cranberries in front of the Fine Arts block please, not if you desecrate the song. If I wasn't showering when that song was performed, I'd probably have had to stop Jim and Max from throwing an easel down. Kinda sad really, because most people hear the voice and not the rest of the band so that's what they base their opinion on.

Ooooo!!!! One band played Pink Floyd!!! I Wish You Were Here no less! So yes, I was a pretty happy camper after that and now everyone thinks I'm biased -grumble-. I don't know if it was the same band that played Bryan Adam's Summer of 69 the last time because the vocalist sounded the same. If it was, then wow, he really improved, or the song suited him better. There was this funny thing where this awful-sounding girl was singing and just after her was this really good emo-sounding guy so we all went down excitedly to hear him. He sang one song. One song. Then it was back to the girl and we were too lazy to go back up. Ok, I just realised what a long grandmother story this is becoming. A round of applause if you actually read this far. Well, the reason it's so long is because I stayed over in school on Friday and only got back at 1am last night.

Anyway, that same girl sang Spice Girls' Two Become One with Jacq's cousin. Haven't heard that in awhile, I was quite surprised I still remembered the lyrics. Vel made me sing it to her as a lullaby after. Sue and I entertained ourselves the entire nitemorn by singing along the radio in pseudo-bad singing/shrieking style, until Zu started to get annoyed. Lol. I think I want to switch to their studio next sem, if there's space. I like my current space but for my sanity and growth, it'll probably be better for me there. But anyway, that's two months from now.

Went for an acting audition yesterday morn. Surprise, surprise! Didn't see that coming, did you? I've been thinking for awhile now of getting back into acting, not like with a company but on a freelance basis. I won't grow much in that area because you need constant challenges and improvs to get better in acting, but I want to take it up more as a hobby than anything else.

Ok, going to stop now, need to start printing stuff then pop by Ria's. I'm guessing she's still asleep coz she hasn't replied since my sms 2 hours ago.

Yikes. I don't get it. Why are my parents pissed with me because of my cough, it's not like I chose to get it. And how am I supposed to know why the medicine doesn't work if I'm really taking it?

Oh, and I absolutely, positively love our studio cat!

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
- Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here

Candle light and soul forever,
A dream of you and me together,
Say you believe it, say you believe it
Free your mind of doubt and danger,
Be for real, don't be a stranger
We can achieve it, we can achieve it.
- Spice Girls's 2 Become 1

Signs I ignore

2006-10-28T18:02:00.000+08:00

So~

you know you're officially obsessing when your search on youtube brings positive results. I should stop lurking and start activating but yes, stubborn and unbelievably pathetic i am.

I've been given signs, and signals and still the tactical battle has not begun.

What the what

2006-10-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

What do you do when your brain's message doesn't get through to your mouth?

I choose to sulk.

I should honestly just beat the nerves till they're numb.

Back to the basics

2006-10-16T00:42:00.000+08:00

The eternal question...how is possible to miss someone you don't even know?

“Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.”- Mike Myers

The unique peacemaker

2006-10-13T03:40:00.000+08:00

the Peacemaker
you chose BX - your Enneagram type is NINE.
"I am at peace"
Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me
- If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
- I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.
- Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
- Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
- Ask me questions to help me get clear.
- Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
- Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
- I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
- Let me know you like what I've done or said.
- Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a Nine
- being nonjudgmental and accepting
- caring for and being concerned about others
- being able to relax and have a good time
- knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
- my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
- my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
- being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a Nine
- being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
- being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
- being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
- being confused about what I really want
- caring too much about what others will think of me
- not being listened to or taken seriously

Nines as Children Often
- feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
- tune out a lot, especially when others argue
- are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Nines as Parents
- are supportive, kind, and warm
- are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

I always think it's amazing how there're all these people with the same personality types and yet there's so much trouble in the world.

(OOOOoooooooo...Backstreet Boys on MTV with Quit Playing Games with My Heart!)

So anyhow, this one is another goosebump-raising similarity,

the Romantic
you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR.
"I am unique"
Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me
- Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
- Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
- Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
- Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
- Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a Four
- my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
- my ability to establish warm connections with people
- admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
- my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
- being unique and being seen as unique by others
- having aesthetic sensibilities
- being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four
- experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
- feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
- feeling guilty when I disappoint people
- feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
- expecting too much from myself and life
- fearing being abandoned
- obsessing over resentments
- longing for what I don't have

Fours as Children Often
- have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
- are very sensitive
- feel that they don't fit in
- believe they are missing something that other people have
- attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
- become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
- feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Fours as Parents
- help their children become who they really are
- support their children's creativity and originality
- are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
- are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
- are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take the Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid.

Intermission

2006-10-01T17:10:00.000+08:00

This play is starting to feel a little old and its script, a little worn. I reckon it's about time the stage manager cues the new twist.

Here's the original version of the song I posted last. Right now, I feel more like the other girl because she sounds so unsure, and there's all these emotions she's wrenching from me. But anyway...I love this song.

I see the lights are turning
and i look outside the stars are burning
through this changing time
it could have been anything we want
it's fine salvation was just a passing thought.

Don't wait act now
this amazing offer won't last long
it's only a chance to pave the path we're on
i know there are more exciting things to talk about
and in time we'll sort it out

and though they say it's possible to me
i don't see how it's probable
i see the course we're on
spinning farther from what i know
i'll hold on
tell me that you won't let go
tell me that you won't let go

and truth is such a funny thing
with all these people
keep on telling me
they know what's best
and what to be frightened of
and all the rest are wrong
they know nothing about us

and though they say it's possible to me
i don't see how it's probable
i see the course we're on
spinning farther from what i know
i'll hold on
tell me that you won't let go
tell me that you won't let go

i'm not alright...

This could be something beautiful
combine our love into something wonderful
but times are tough i know
and the pull of what we can't give up takes hold
Terra Naomi's Say it's Possible

Say this is possible, please

2006-09-25T02:38:00.000+08:00

Mistake: Introducing Derk to Nat via MSN. Rewind rewind rewind, i wish I could. They want to collaborate on a matchmaking session now. Save me please.

On another note (literally), this is perfect for my current mood.

Work work work and a moment of serenity

2006-09-18T11:44:00.000+08:00

The man whispered, "God, speak to me" and a meadowlark sang.

But, the man did not hear.
So the man yelled, "God, speak to me" and the thunder rolled across the sky.

But, the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said, "God let me see you." And a star shined brightly.

But the man did not see.
And, the man shouted, "God show me a miracle." And, a life was born.

But, the man did not notice.
So, the man cried out in despair, "Touch me God, and let me know you are here." Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man.

But, the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on

Traits of a shadow

2006-09-17T01:55:00.000+08:00

I don't get it.

Which part of me emanates this shadow living because really, I'm not.

I wish people would stop shoving their cynic mumble-jumble down my throat. I'm here for you, yes. But i'm not here for you to tell me i'm something I'm not.

Each day, one step forward

2006-09-15T01:08:00.000+08:00

I touched sculptures made by Dali!!!

AND I discovered Bernard Buffet, yay!

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live
Elton John's Your Song

Mouse over any part of the box to learn more about the traits
that the colors represent.

Generous Creator

Your imagination, confidence, willingness to explore, and appreciation of beauty make you a CREATOR. You are independent, and you enjoy your self-sufficiency. Defying convention, you are very innovative, and you have a vivid imagination. The look of things is important to you, and you have a keen eye for aesthetic beauty in multiple arenas.

You have a strong interest in what is new and exciting - and that includes forging ahead with new ideas, not simply discovering what is already out there. Your eagerness to seek new and varied experiences leads you into many different situations.

You're not set on one way of doing things, and you are creative when it comes to finding novel solutions to complex problems. You trust yourself to be innovative and resourceful. Your confidence allows you to take your general awareness and channel it into creativity. You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

If you want to be different: Appreciate the earthly, practical elements of things -there is beauty in form as well. While you are good at thinking abstractly, focusing on details a bit more may help you discover things about the world.

How you relate to others: You are Generous

Your awareness of those around you, along with your nuanced perceptions of the world at large, makes you the GENEROUS person that you are. You value time to yourself and understand how rich your private world can be - you know that you don't have to go wild to have a good time. You are excited and energized by ideas and often enjoy things more through observation than through experience.

This tendency gives you an appreciation for different perspectives and opinions about the world. Being as aware of others as you are doesn't mean you find it easy to trust them immediately - this is something that happens more slowly for you. Despite this, you are aware of the complexities of many situations and are reluctant to pass judgments on others. Although you have fewer friendships than some people, those that you have are meaningful and are important to you.

You value spending time alone - it is while reflecting on the world around you that you often learn something new about yourself or begin to understand something that's been bothering you. You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

If you want to be different: Given how attuned you are to others' thoughts and feelings, you might find that trusting people more is a way to broaden your perspective even further. While you know how much can be learned from observing the world around you, remember that much of life can be lived by experiencing it, not just by understanding it.
.
.
.

Here's your chance to assess my personality. Go on...you know you want to: My Personal Dna Report.

The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want

2006-09-14T12:45:00.000+08:00

I had the most amazing experience yesterday. I feel utterly fulfilled and whole again...thank you!

Going to town in a bit to check out Dali's sculptures then bits of the Biennale. And then meeting a cuz to get some pictures so I can surprise another cuz who's leaving for London on a 2-year work contract next week. She's only going to tell everyone on Saturday and I'm like..WHAT?! You told me on Monday and I'm still trying to absorb it!

Sigh...I miss that nut la. Who am I going to whine about the immaturity of men to?

2006-09-10T19:09:00.000+08:00

Wistful describes this perfectly.

Jimmy Jay Jee J

2006-08-31T00:45:00.000+08:00

I hope they laugh at what I do. But as long as I can take them away from any stress for a couple of hours, I'll be anyone's clown. I love to see the world smile. And while the world's got it's mouth open grinning, I'll sing right down their throats hoping they'll find their own way of regurgitating it later spreading the sickness of simple life. Like a global vomiting of wisdom, purity, and enlightenment. Or better said, a movement of love. Good things. -- Jason Mraz

You murdered someone over a fake word! -- Alan Shore, Boston Legal

Reggae - the essence of my soul

2006-08-26T15:55:00.000+08:00

Omg! I love Radio 91.3!

Bob Marley, Dido, Bjork aired one after another. How much more eclectic could a station be?!!!

burned out and falling sick..bleah

2006-08-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

they're just paper cuts
i'll sellotape them up
and bandage them with cotton wool and glue
they're just paper cuts
i shouldn't beat myself up
over little things the way i do

nothing stays the same
i wish i could remain the colour of a cherry blossom tree
i've always been in love with you
i always used to read before i went to sleep
but now i just pass out watching tv
i've always been in love with you
Paper Cuts - The Boy Least Likely To (yes, again!)

I'm glad i hitched my apple wagon to your star

2006-08-23T01:18:00.000+08:00

i want to marry him - who else could make my day blogging about tortoises and daffodils!

it probably also helped that i had good comments for my critique session today. they liked my paintings!!!

We never ever made it down to nashville in the end,
And no one ever signed our stupid country disco band,
However hard we tried it never seemed to be enough,
We never did get famous,
Still it made us kind of happy and it kept me off of drugs.

And now I'm glad I hitched my apple wagon to your star,
I never would've got here if i'd followed my heart,
I didnt think much of it til I took it apart,
I'm glad I hitched my apple wagon to your star.

But still I'm glad I hitched my apple wagon to your star,
I'm happy if you're happy but it breaks my heart,
I didnt even notice it til it fell apart,
I'm glad I hitched my apple wagon to your star.- The boy least likely to's I'm glad i hitched my apple wagon to your star

I am Dandel.

2006-08-21T01:44:00.000+08:00

Lil' miss random is the best thing that's happened to me since...since...well, since Chunky the tortoise-shelled cat.

Staring up into the solar system
All the stars are fixed up in the sky
I just want to sparkle for a moment
Before I just fizzle out and die

I'm happy because I'm stupid
Scared of spiders, scared of flying
If I wasn't so happy
I wouldn't be so scared of dying
The boy least likely to's Be gentle with me

The ramblings of a hypochondriac...or the intuitive?

2006-08-15T15:51:00.000+08:00

I knew this would end soon. I just didn't think it'd be this soon. Please grant me a little more time, there're all these new projects that are about to start up and a bunch of people to inspire.

I know. I know. I've known since I was 16 but I'm starting now. Please. Please. Please.

On a lighter , less morbid note (and also because after this post, I'm internalizing everything related to the above), I can't believe I've never heard this song before!

From a phone booth in Vegas, Jessie calls at 5 A.M.
to tell me how she's tired of all of them.
She says, "Baby, I been thinking 'bout a trailer by the sea.
We could go to Mexico... you, the cat and me.
We'll drink tequila and look for sea shells.
Now, doesn't that sound sweet?"
Oh, Jessie, you always do this every time I get back on my feet.

Jessie paint your pictures 'bout how it's gonna be.
By now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea;
Jessie you can always sell any dream to me.
Oh, Jessie, you can always sell any dream to me.

She asks me how the cat's been. I say, "Moses he's just fine
but he used to think about you all the time.
We finally took your pictures down off the wall.
Oh, Jessie, how do you always seem to know just when to call?"
She says, "Get your stuff together. Bring Moses and drive real fast."
And I listen to her promise, "I swear to God this time it's gonna last."

Jessie paint your pictures 'bout how it's gonna be.
By now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea;
Jessie you can always sell any dream to me.
Oh, Jessie, you can always sell any dream to me.

I'll love you in the sunshine, lay you down in the warm white sand.
And who knows, maybe this time things'll turn out just the way you planned.

Jessie paint your pictures 'bout how it's gonna be.
By now I should know better, your dreams are never free.
But tell me all about our little trailer by the sea;
Jessie you can always sell any dream to me.
Oh, Jessie, you can always sell any dream to me.
- Jessie by Joshua Kadison

After 12 straight hours of talking to her, you get this.

2006-08-14T00:52:00.000+08:00

[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
i've got my eye through a telescope lalala
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
are you looking for more fish? hahaha
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
i am heineken. unchanged since 1873
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
lol, wouldn't i need a fishing rod for that?

gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
no no looking for fish falling from the sky
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
ah! well..i'm looking for bigger fish now, like a whale or something
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
maybe i'll find someone in its mouth lol

[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
then don't need to use science to change the fish to a person...what if i get a merman instead?
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
actually...that could work
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
it'll be a reverse of the little mermaid
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
i shall go down in legends in the merman's world as the little human or the little girl...depending on the translation
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
but aiyah...then i must learn a new language...fish or maybe they use speech bubbles...you think i could talk to them thru imvu?
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
hahah the mermaid and the guy could understand each other what..
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
just that ariel had her voice taken from her

[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
ya...but this is real life
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
hahaha
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
hell...if i were a merman, i'd take my voice away from me too...imagine listening to me go on like that for the rest of your life
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
and real life.. has mermaids?
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
....
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
hey...don't knock it till you can disprove it lol
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
well yea but fish are slimy.
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
ewww...
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
hahaha
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
imagine merpeople >_<
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
but don't you think it makes sense? why else would the merlion exist
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
because it's singapore.
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
it's like the lion in the witch, the lion and the wardrobe
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
it protects them

gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
yea i like the original bbc series
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
OMG! that means we're in hot property!
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
there could be mermen in the singapore river!
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
?
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
.................
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
omgomgomg!!!
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
i meant, it's quite a ridiculous concoction.
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
hahaha
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
right here in my backyard....wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
now i need to find a witch who can give me a potion to change to a mermaid
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
but then again...the water here so murky
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
hmmmm....oh well...maybe they'll introduce me to their relatives abroad
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
.....
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
you are so bizarre.

So maybe they aren't all crap

2006-08-13T12:11:00.000+08:00

Apparently my horoscope for today reads:
Although you might seek romantic involvement, your need for self-determination is quite strong now. You cannot let others steer your car, even if you want them to drive it. No matter what kind of logic you apply to your current dilemma, you still may not be able to figure out the best course of action because of your internal conflict over the situation. Go ahead and do what feels right, but don't focus on the long-term goals just yet.

gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
that's you today
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
OMG! that's me everyday
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
lol
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
not bad huh like what we talked about last night. ahhahahaha
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
yea i think these things just serve as reminders sometimes. ahhaha

---
On another note, this is what happenns under her influence:

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.

You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.

You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.

In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.

At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.

With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.

As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.

On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Your Personality Profile

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart.
Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people.
You tend to be always smiling - and making others smile.

You are shy and intelligent... and a very hard worker.
You're also funny, but many people don't see your funny side.
Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

---

[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
brb...i'm gonna quickly sweep the floor in case big man comes back with nasty temper
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
lol. sounds like a red indian name yea?
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
like you could be -random girl who obsesses-
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
and i can be -beautiful melancholic neurotic-
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
and like neko could be -he who steals chairs-
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
and bran will be -she who rummages dustbins-
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
and casey will be -he who acts brave but is quaking inside-
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
hahahah
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
thanks i'm the most boring
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
i have to put that on my blog!
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
go sweep
[char] melancholy's sweet melody says:
lol ok..how about - she who obsesses and laughs innately-
gloria - angels or devils:collide says:
....................

Fuck this. I'm leaving soon anyway.

2006-08-13T11:19:00.000+08:00

Woman hold her head and cry,
'Cause her son had been shot down in the street and died
From a stray bullet.

Woman hold her head and cry;
Explaining to her was a passerby
Who saw the woman cry
Wondering how can she work it out

- Bob Marley & the Wailers, Johnny was a Good Man

Part of the 32%

2006-08-11T10:41:00.000+08:00

What obsolete skill are you?

You are 'Gregg shorthand'. Originally designed to enable people to write faster, it is also very useful for writing things which one does not want other people to read, inasmuch as almost no one knows shorthand any more.You know how important it is to do things efficiently and on time. You also value your privacy, and (unlike some people) you do not pretend to be friends with just everyone; that would be ridiculous. When you do make friends, you take them seriously, and faithfully keep what they confide in you to yourself. Unfortunately, the work which you do (which is very important, of course) sometimes keeps you away from social activities, and you are often lonely. Your problem is that Gregg shorthand has been obsolete for a long time.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Charlene --

[noun]:

A human transformer (Robot in disguise)

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Charlene --

[noun]:

A real life terminator

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Charlene --

[noun]:

A level headed person who always makes the wrong decision

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Char --

[adjective]:

Like in nature to a kangaroo

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Char --

[adjective]:

Pretentiously academian

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Me: Omg! I have the same defination as you. I'm going to stop calling you my partner...From now on, it's going to be "Meet my synonym, Gloria!"

Ria: >_<

Shoot an arrow in my heart | Rob me of this agony

2006-08-10T17:59:00.000+08:00

2 years ago I watched you go

I rushed as fast as I could from school, but still it was too late
Her telling us it was too late

Lighter fluid in an old biscuit tin and your last rites
But you wouldn't burn

So we left you. On the grill of a bunsen pit
Did you hear me everytime I passed by
When I'd sit and speak to you
Then the day came when they took you away

And then you left soon after
Even when we thought you'd make it through
Always so quiet and so contemplative
And always not eating, except that last day
They do that, she said

I don't understand why
I still don't
Why you had to go
Was it me
Did I tangle you in the web of fate

Yours wasn't as elaborate
No last rites until I got home
We didn't want to fuck up again
We handed you straight over and walked away
But still we loved you much
I cried by myself that night

Look at me
Mourning when I have no right to mourn
I should have brought you both home

Joy Joy Joy

2006-08-02T01:55:00.000+08:00

I love school!

Trust me, there's nothing scarier than not doing art for 2-3 years and suddenly being expected to run and swim with the big guns. Not to mention the THIRTY paintings in OIL in THREE weeks that I'm supposed to finish.

I almost had a breakdown on Monday. It was life-drawing and I drew this really horrible disproportionate figure of Libby and I drew a blank, I didn't know how to start over. BUT BUT BUT it's sorted. The second one turned out wayyyy better.

I'm freaked now though.

Other than the self-doubt of my own abilities, everything's cool. The people I've met are great fun - Smart, witty and oh-so-talented. I also met someone-not-so-unexpectedly-unexpected...an ex-classmate's brother with a lot to bitch about. He cracks me up!

So yes...fun fun fun with an equal amount of doubt makes this girl one contented and anxious art student. I want to do MORRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I'm also very proud of myself. I've nipped the unfocused doodling on canvas paper and now am able to actually draw something presentable. I may just be able to pull this off yet. Did I mention Wheeeeeee?!!!!!!

Oh, and to top off this joyous occasion, I got an e-mail about a job. Not much...but it'll help stave off those nasty bills till the other thing comes along.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Am I not pretty enough?

2006-07-19T09:56:00.000+08:00

What if I've already evolved into the robot I try so hard not to be?
What if this void of emotions is exactly what the gahmen wants so we can be efficient workers?
What if I'm already the tired cynic working only for money?

I. must. find. hope.

And with that, I looked through my MSN list.

the s'pore flag has the same colours as the stop sign, no wonder we're so oppressed

That silly boy. Always with his unexpected wisecracks. =0P

Kasey Chambers popped up of nowhere today and suddenly I know the lyrics to a song I forgot a lifetime ago.

Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can
Kasey Chambers' Not Pretty Enough

Wah, like magic this selective memory of mine. Tsktsk.

Ok, back to filing now. This, children, is why procrastination is bad...LAST DAY!!!!

Numbed

2006-07-18T09:09:00.000+08:00

"Thank You, Lord, for the trials that come my way
in that way I can grow each day as I let You lead
and thank You Lord for the patience those trials bring
in that process of growing, I can learn to care

But it goes against the way I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do
for when those trials come, my human nature shouts the thing to do
and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored

I thank You Lord with each trial I feel inside
that You're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong
for You promised, Lord, that with every testing
that Your way of escaping's easier to bear

Thank You, Lord, for the victory that growing brings
in surrender of everything, life is so worthwhile
and I thank You Lord that when everything's put in place
out in front I can see Your face, and it's there You belong"

---

"All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before You, O Lord
all my regrets, all my acclaims
the joy and the pain, I'm making them Yours

Lord, I offer my life to You
everything I've been through
use it for Your glory
Lord, I offer my days to You
lifting my praise to You
as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord, I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
all of my hopes, all of my plans
my heart and my hands are lifted to You"

---

Utter faith and utter compliance..it's been a long while but hi! it's me again. In the face of all this turbulence and in the face of all this uncertainty...All this newness and all this doubt...hold me close and let me feel the beat of your heart. I know what I'm doing is right. I know it...but my last paycheck is in and with it, is the certainty of the struggles I'll face in the next few weeks and months until Nat confirms my status in the association. Lord, please help me make sense of this. I want for once to feel. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel..about anything really. I offer up all this to you like I've done on other occasions with the same earnest, with the same soft pleading for you to take over. Let me feel what I need to feel: whether in love, in glory or in misery. I know you have a further, bigger purpose for this and that all this will be made clear to me...just like you've made everything in the past clear to me in the last two years. Help me make sense of this so that I know how to move on and what step I should take next. I've run out of advice and solutions, I need to grow once more so that I can help others when they turn to me. You've given me wisdom, and you've given me heart. Please help me give to others as you have given to me. Amen.

Crack in the ceiling

2006-07-04T18:19:00.000+08:00

I think it's hillarious how people are reading too much into things.

Relieved...Magdalena's coming and going!

Thrilled...Possible job interview being scheduled!

Joyjoyjoy...End of work in 2 weeks! Byebye Bitch! *does a lil' jig*

Excited...School starts in 2.5 weeks!!!

Gleeeeeee...Another job's pay being negotiated!!!

Fantasbuloses...Business might be starting soonsoonsoon!!!

Wowwww...Possibility of an apartment in D01-08!!!!

Dumdeedumdum..I hope this work doesn't come piling on me from the ceiling.

Random fact of the day

2006-06-24T18:18:00.000+08:00

I like the opening credits of The Last Shot. The rest of the movie looks crap...well, except Calista Flockhart as a psychotic bitch.

I'm thinking of putting up a gig with random people I pick off the streets. Please tag or e-mail if you know someone who can sing and needs the practice/exposure.

Also, I'm thinking of taking up the Young Changemaker grant for another event. Busy busy busy. And to think I'm going back to school for more time.

Too young in the sleep-induced town of dreams

2006-06-19T16:50:00.000+08:00

Mr projectsky sounded tre amused with this little dilemma of mine.

You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
- Head over Feet, Alanis Morissette

One year on...

2006-06-13T12:21:00.000+08:00

I decided to re-do the quiz to see if there was a difference. No worries..I added in the explaination this time round...

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	53%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|	17%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

Trait snapshot
introverted, secretive, messy, depressed, does not like leadership, somewhat nihilistic, observer, does not make friends easily, unassertive, feels invisible, feels undesirable, hates large parties, does not like to stand out, leisurely, suspicious, submissive, abstract, unpredictable, intellectual, likes rain, likes the unknown, negative, weird, not a risk taker, unadventurous, avoidant, strange

---

This is one reason I love lil' ms random:

[char] astonishingly pseudoclass says:
do you believe in fish falling from the sky?
gloria says:
uhm yea i think it's happened before
gloria says:
some thing about a hurricane or other natural occurance that caused the fish to be swept out of the sea and consequantly falling from the sky.
[char] astonishingly pseudoclass says:
good good..then you'll understand what i mean when i tell you that my belief in love is like my belief in fish falling out of the sky!
gloria says:
haha
gloria says:
so.. love is.. a rare occurance that has actually happened and has the possibility to happen. is that right?
[char] astonishingly pseudoclass says:
so smart!
gloria says:
is it happening to you?
[char] astonishingly pseudoclass says:
and by that respect...not everyone believes such a thing can happen
[char] astonishingly pseudoclass says:
and also some people say it's happening when it doesn't
gloria says:
mm. and what you believe dictates what can happen to you, most times
gloria says:
are the fish falling?
[char] astonishingly pseudoclass says:
maybe...i thought i saw one fall...
[char] astonishingly pseudoclass says:
but i've yet to go and inspect yet
gloria says:
haha. ok. cool.

lasalle-bound

2006-06-12T20:31:00.000+08:00

It's confirmed!

I'm in! I'm in! I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!

Inininininininininininininininininininin
ininininininininininininininininininininin
inininininininininininininininininininin
ininIninininininininininininininininininin
inininininininininininininininininininin
inininininiexclamationexclamationoneoneone

The countdown begins

2006-06-03T13:58:00.000+08:00

The ball's been set in motion...let the fretting and anxious waiting begin.

7 days!

Monday, I could wait till Tuesday
If I make up my mind
Wednesday would be fine, Thursday's on my mind
Friday'd give me time, Saturday could wait
But Sunday'd be too late

Seven days will quickly go
The fact remains, I love her so
Seven days, so many ways
But I can't run away
Seven Days by Sting

Onslaught of songs

2006-05-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

Your love is like a weed in the garden of bliss.
You creep in my heart and widen the cracks.
You suck me dry
Yet you keep me company in the darkest of night.

It took a musical and a love note competition to get out the words that held me back. I feel like the girl in one of Enid Blyton's stories. I forget the title, but I remember reading it over and over and over because it struck such a deep chord in me. Even today, I still use one of the analogies from that story to tie my shoelaces. It was about this girl who talked nonstop till someone told her off. So she tried to talk less, only this time she couldn't get the words out when she needed to say something because the words she suppressed blocked the words that needed to come out.

But now, my heart's been purged!

All this time, I was trying to find something that represented what I still believe about love, about life, about all the bittersweet situations I find myself in. It's so cheesy though...of all the times and places, it had to happen when I was writing on a lil' pink heart. Lord, Lord, Your sense of humour is once again impeccable.

Then today, I flipped through one of the poetry books we published (I love my workplace!) and found a poem that described this moment of utter unchoke-ness perfectly.

She said write me some sadness
To fit the crescent moon, damn thing shining
Down on me on this chill and windless night as I walk
The streets alone, and I said oh what a terrible cliche
That is, don't know why grief's exclusive to the night and the moon
And dark jazz cafe settings with husky singers
They are tinkling on dusty pianofortes
Singing loneliness like rain. Oh boo hoo hoo
Why not exclaim it in the bright open sun and what about happy things
Have you forgotten - has she. Like swings on a summer's day and cool
lime flavoured ice-creams licked while laughing down the street
Or postcard perfect sunsets fading to dusk of grey-slated tile
Can't remember, can't remember. She claims no memory
Those days when tears were left behind on the pavement
With the skin of our knees
She can't remember playgrounds by Fauziah Daud

Maybe I'd have more to say if I didn't have to bite my tongue every so often. These people have got to learn that cynicism isn't necessarily depressing and romanticism isn't always about rose-tinted glasses.

The window keeps closing

2006-03-08T21:17:00.000+08:00

Window News:

* of opportunity: I have to finish 10 pieces by end Apr and needless to say, what with NAF and this general block I have, I am stil on number 0.1. And I was supposed to start about 2 weeks back!

*s System: My comp has crashed yet again, or rather I don't know what happened but my bro brought the comp to be updated. Superbly random but oh-so-fun-fact-of-the-year! I'm now on Mozilla.

The Johari *: In the hopes of actually giving anyone who still reads this something to do, click here!!!!

In other non-window related news, Ria adopted an absolutely adorable cat! I want one. =o(. He will be the darkest orange and shall be called Puck. Alternatively, a dear sweet white cat with a grey mask and green eyes called Clover.

Not much else to update, still working at the Arts Centre. Things have been falling in place lately, so maybe I'll have an update (and hopefully good news) in Apr/May...do check back then.

Yes, if something doesn't budge soon, I'm truly on my way to a staid existance.

The one about a prodigy

2006-01-19T19:09:00.000+08:00

I was googling for some social issues portrayed in art when I came across this.

Breathtaking innit?

Phlegm

2006-01-06T10:19:00.000+08:00

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

Paying it forward

2006-01-06T00:43:00.000+08:00

Introspection was the theme of 2005; but then again, reflection is the anthem of my life. There was much I wanted to translate and pull out from my stream of consciousness, but days of procrastination and pondering have eliminated most of those thoughts.

Whatever it is, my two-week trip was a great break away from everything and added a new perspective into the direction I'm heading towards. My purpose has become clearer and my goals seem easier to obtain. All that stands in between me and that first step is ethics and morality. Should I wait two years when I'm able to provide for myself...or jump in now and enjoy the (guilt-inflicted) ride?

I've been lucky and very blessed so far, that I should know where I want to go from such an early age. The road has been twisted, and I've been diverted many times but all these red herrings have just added another layer into the experience I will draw from to help others later on.

I shall give back to the arts what they've given me all these years.

Sasha I'll be, forever and ever yours

2005-12-23T09:18:00.000+08:00

Falling in love falling in love
Falling in love all over again
I'm falling in love all over again
Falling in love with you
Kylie Minogue's Falling