Subliminally Redundant

Subliminally redundant. That pretty much sums the emotions whirling in me right now.

Think about it...When we graduate, not only will we have our own batch of graduates to fight with, but also the batches of two other polys. Plus, in the future...What we've learnt throughout our school life has been (or will be) surpassed by all the kids in specialised schools who are quite possibly growing up faster than we did. But all that seems innate doesn't it?

My aunt was advising me yesterday on how if I want to stay in this field, I need to get out there and stop being passive. All good advice, except it also illustrated to me what my extended family thinks of me. I have an inkling that to them, I am unopinionated and muddling around with my life because I'm unmotivated and therefore don't know what to do with my life. And it irks me when, in the middle of an interesting conversation about the flaws in religion, snide comments abound about how shocked I must be that such opinions exist. Or better still, when they joke about sex and turn towards me and go 'You're too young to hear this!'

I'm such a child in their eyes. My aunt was telling me 'how I must decide what I want to do', etc...Half of which I already know. I just kept telling her 'I know' and I could tell she was getting irritated. It's so hard to hold a conversation with family members. You get so afraid of revealing what you're really like because it'll shatter this perception they have of you. Or maybe it's just me and how I don't like people getting close to me.

It doesn't help that every time one of them has a job for me, they go to my sister who merrily tells them, 'I doubt she'd want to do it because she has the dogs to look after'. Like what the hell.