Collision of thought trains at 2 o'clock

My mind's such a whirl right now, that I don't know where to start. I don't even know if I want to start. This is precisely what I meant when I said having a blog could be such a burden. I feel such a compelling urge to write, but I feel like I have nothing to say. But that's not true. The track between my mind, my heart and my mouth is a little wonky right now with all three trains carrying their own load. And when they meet, I fear a headlong collision into the bottleneck of my brain.

I miss my old blog. There's a big void where 1 and a half years' worth of memory was shelved. And now it's all gone and I don't even remember the journey to the person I am today. Heh, strange that those 1 and a half years' was the same period I was with the ex. Those memories are fading away now. I don't even remember most of the laughs we had. Now I only picture buses and drums when my mind starts wandering.

Something's holding me back from writing everything down, maybe I just don't even know what I want to write, maybe I just don't want to see everything down in black and white , maybe it's the slight pressure of revealing all to total strangers. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Always with the maybes. Never decisive. Never sure. Funny what people think of me. Not that I care. It's just so annoying that everyone thinks I'm nice. Then when I snap, they look at me like I'm some Martian-Plutonian hybrid out to eat them. I'm thinking of the alien in My Favorite Martian now, the one that Daryl Hannah turns into when she eats the gum before proceeding to swallow the two thugs whole. That was the best scene in the entire movie. Nice girl gets her dessert..hur hur.

I like having a friend who works at a movie rental place. Nice movies for free. Free. Free. Maybe the cost is more than I ever thought it'd be.

Dre, it's not a habit I can't break, it's one I don't want to. I know what I'm doing. Sort of anyway. Gah, I should just call you up la. Wait, it's 1 in the morning...it's too early. It's way too early to even be blogging.

I'm probably going to be an alcoholic and have a mental breakdown before I'm 40. Not that that would be a bad thing.

Nosirree, not a bad thing at all.