A cornucopia of half-hidden memories

Bukit Timah hill. "101...I lost count, what number were we at?". Shy and coy. Desaru. Bubblegum-flavoured chewing gum. Squirrel gymnasts dancing on wires. Backstreet Boys playing in car. Forlorn gazes out of windows. Furtive peeks behind. Nervous phonecalls, Bedok Interchange. Wheels for Fun. Church camp. Long weeds. Bad flirting from friends. And that's when the merry-go-round starts. Hot, cold, hot, cold, now tepid. Pasir Ris, motorcyclist uncle on our minds. Hide behind chairs. Pretend we don't know one another. Bus stop. Brokenarmed boy approaches to ask for directions. Mum around. Didn't care. Outstanding Catholics. Talks on slope, now non-existant. Ask for change. Dreams of valentine, slow long dances. Birthday party. By the pool. Truth or Dare. Whitehairedteen. Held fingers. Pulled around the pool. Pissed off. Cracks appeared. Wedge driven through. Never to be repaired. Back to happier times. Siglap Centre. Satay picks up guys on bus. Donuts with E. Seveneleven. Search in Macs for familiar faces. Found. Gungho, act tough. Ooo, he paid for drinks! Duckie-lookalike. Woo-ed for a week. Fell hook, line and sinker. Silence ensues. Two weeks. One month. Voicemail. Sun pops up. Run around scaring aunties with flagday tins shoved in their faces. Six months. Haircut. Pager. Alpha-numeric message. First day together. Haha what a laugh. Bus, second last seat, up from Siglap. He approaches, up from St Pats. Sits in seat in front. Acts like nothing happened. Fast forward. Suntec. Sky garden. Top of roof. Parkway. Staircase. Danceworks. Army pants. Bus stop outside school. Rewind. Laksa Place. Polite first kiss. Held hands. Sweet romance. Creativity abounds. Walks by canal with friend and pest. Australia beckons. Abuse. Friend in hospital. Talk about bonds and escaping to Australia so all four can be together. Pfft. Not anymore yea? Happier times. Happier times. We broke up. Speak in Malay. We got back. Security guards in shopping centre. No taste. Always asked the brokenarmed boy who knows my taste. Mostly anyway. Big orange T-shirts? Two is one too many. Necklace with mismatched colours, I liked very much. The dude knows I'm one for colour. Pimple cream on face before school. So endearing. N-levels. I study two hours before Geography. Talk on phone, score Distinction. Months in Australia. Finally get back for the weekend. Only have one day together. Excited. Plans for Bedok Reservoir. Brokenarmed boy's father. Stroke. Go for wake. Hug brokenarmed boy tight. Heart breaks for him. Something changed. Overhead bridge. Held finger. Sunday night. He packs. Asked a question. Send a message. Two days later. Tried to call. No answer. Apparently we broke up. Didn't know. Dumbass. Cousin says I'm a drama queen. Duh, he is your cousin right? Art lessons. Long talks with newfound friend. Build pyramid. Why so holy? Pictures of religious symbols on board. Mythology and Pegasus filled my heart. Mr. Australia tries to fix me up. Twice. One for each breakup. Annoying boys. One keeps calling. One waits at the bus stop to take the bus to school together. I'm nice so I obliged. But always too late so ask him to go first. Sometimes he waits. And when he does, we walk in with brokenarmed boy who is amused. Gossip. Please! Not interested. No, I don't want to give us a month to see if we work out, I know we won't. Church party. Dance. See Desaru boy. Now, he is merrily attached, about two years, Wow. Start studying two weeks befoe O-levels. Form group with brokenarmed boy and two of his friends, bamboopole and mat. Only mat and I regular meet to study. Don't ask why, or how. But we break up in May. Rewind a few weeks. One chalet. Queen size bed. 8 people squeeze in. Fun times. Must do again. Mat is dope. Brokenarmedboy doesn't understand his logic. Neither do I. "Is it me, or is there something different?" "Why did you have to ask that? Otherwise we'd still be together". For what purpose...to live a lie? No thank you. Sentosa. This time no beach rugby. Group got smaller without us realising. Still remember Duck's bare bottom shown to the world and Slykeju's silent sexuality. Pasir Ris from Bedok on a market bike. Bamboopole and brokenarmed boy watch over us. Sweet. Holland Village. Gloria Jean's. Ex-girlfriend. No, not mine. Extra salty fries. Radio class. Woodstock. Soccer game. MacDonald's. Drink thrown on him. Twice. He storms off. They ask me to follow and calm him down. Look how the roles have switched. Close friends no more. Don't even MSN. Wtf happened...temper tantrum perhaps? It's just weird how things change and you don't notice. Trinity was full so we went to the bakery. Sat down. Played hand games. The moment came and we knew. Off to Alameen. Prata. Whined to bakeryboy about HVperson's weird behaviour. He goes over to check. They smoke. Nothing. Bus stop, bakeryboy looks more melancholic then usual. I leave confused. Tension is very heavy. Phonecall from HVperson on train. Is that where it started? Can't meet at the void deck. Poem the next day or two. That's too drama, even for me. And it ended. Before anything even started. Esplanade. Leaned against car to watched a bad rehearsal. Car moved back steadily. Looked around for owner and moved to canal in case we get sued. Sit and talk. Slipper falls. "I meant to do that." Can't get back up. Klutz galore moment. So embarassed. Skaterboy comes back and we head home. Somewhere along the way, we hold hands. Skaterboy doesn't seem surprised. Atrium the next day. Act like nothing happened. Too many people around. Don't want to hurt someone. He goes off to buy food for me under the pretext of something I forget what. Poem is hand-delivered in a book. Did I misunderstand? Your cover story was crap la. Bakeryboy comes back with food. Can't take the tension. Tell Alicia about bakeryboy and poem and everything. She squeals. "Shhhhhhh....". That was our bimbo moment. The drama of our lives. 3 weeks fly by. All in her house. Politics. Much politics. Many politics. Even with people not involved. Are our hearts so ugly that anything different deserves to be shunned? Overshot a memory or two. Rewind. Breakfast club. It all changed too. Never meant to hurt you. Remember the walk around the playground at midnight? For once, the rift was mended. It felt good. But maybe it fell apart. I don't know. Back to the house. One night, in front of a car. One hand, you know I use two fingers to type. I can't type with both. You laughed. Thought perhaps this was it. We could get back to normalcy, or at least the absurdity that is normalcy. Holidays came. Met someone in Wisma. Confirmed what I thought. For the record, we were never together. Gossip's funny like that, everyone talks about it until it becomes the believed truth. Nothing you say can dissuade it. Just look at what they're doing to Arch and Martin. ZAM! An overnighter, you as Marilyn Monroe. Yes, we're moving back again. Can you keep up? I think that's when I fell in love with you. Tickling ambushes. Changing with Erin in the girls' cubicle. Heh, she knew before I even figured it out. Smart smart girl. My black tee, erin's denim skirt, the bedsheet. Yesirree, those pictures will haunt you later on in life. Existential conversation on busses. You fall asleep anywhere. Stuck now. Do I fast foward or rewind? Fast forward I shall. Irritating bored ass. There. Maybe i figured stable was the way to go. Gah. Three weeks of self-delusion was proven wrong in a second. Thank you, though you don't know who you are. Any hints would be too obvious. You're bigheaded enough as it is. Rewind back to the middle. Skaterboy and boybeforethebakery stayed over. Stayed up till really late talking about relationships. He wouldn't get up. I had to tickle him up. Was that before or after marilyn monroe day? Sneaked into blk 56, climbed through a window. I spent the whole night up and in fear. Woke up every 30 mins while everyone around me slept. Before, under the projecter screen, I considered HVperson's offer but declined. Partly coz of you la. Movie marathon. The Replacements. Sulky. Went to Mac's after coz it was too early. Mac's at 5. They slept on the tables. We walked around and around and around. Why tell me about your family...was i so trustworthy? Some evening. Walked to big house hidden in KAP. Sat on the seat outside and laughed when the old battered Toyota went into this grand dame with chandeliers and a spiral staircase. Some other evening. Brought the rest of the Breakfast Club over. Purr got trapped in the house she entered illegally. And that's when my memories run out.