Of obligations

I'm sick of being the scrapegoat.

Our family isn't breaking apart. It's already apart.

It's been apart for so long, you just never saw it. I shut them out a long time ago. It doesn't affect me as much if I keep detached from it all. Stay home and get shouted out at for things I don't do. So I stay out, because what's the point of being in all this negativity? And when I do that, I still get shouted at.
But at least I can stand that because i know it's something I did.

I need to do this.

Because even though I know what I'm capable of, my doubts appear every time they bring me down. I need to prove to myself that I can do this and that I don't need them. The best part is, I'm moving out to keep away from obligation. And here my sister is making me feel obliged to meet her knowing full well, I'd meet her if she didn't force me.

I never understood why they keep pushing me away. But i pushed back. Now they want to pull me back in but the poison's seeped in too much.

It's pissing me off even more that they're blaming someone they don't even know for this. For inciting me. Well, fuck you. You don't know me. You don't know him. You don't know my friends. You don't know what I'm capable of.

I AM the black sheep of the family. Always have been, always will be. Live with it.


At least I'm not negative, overly-spoiled, racist and patronising.