keep on crawling

December has a strange hold on people.

Maybe it's the ending of the year so everyone rushes to make the year meaningful. Maybe it's the promise of a better, fuller year. Everyone is waiting for something to happen, something to budge. A nervous energy permeates through the air...anticipation, dread, hope. Loves returning to each other's arms, 2nd-hearts waiting for their turn to shine and a jigsaw piece crawling her way to her finished big picture.

We never know what the future holds, we never know what the present brings. I'm ok as long as I'm secure in my own beliefs...if I keep un-unexpecting. But as with life, we never live in our lives alone and everywhere you turn...someone is there with an opinion you either need to hear or want to tune out. The trick is in knowing whether the advice being given is worth following or if it will lead you away from your truer destiny. Of course, when friends tend to be angrier than you at a situation you choose to leave behind and forget...it gets hard to ignore one's inner voice and not feel sorry for yourself.

12 months, 4 deaths. The death of a future, the death of white patience, the death of brown instinct and the death of an angel. Whatever life throws at me...I know it won't break me because I've been blessed with (somewhat endless) love.

Even if right now, that gift seems more of a curse.

But persevere, persevere. What I reap, I can sow. And what I can't sow, I can feed to the birds.


"I sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate
and do they know
the places where we go
when we're grey and old
'cos I've been told
that salvation lets their wings unfold
so when I'm lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I'm right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

when I'm feeling weak
and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
and I know i'll always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
she breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I'm right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
when I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
-- robbie william's angels"