Numbed

"Thank You, Lord, for the trials that come my way
in that way I can grow each day as I let You lead
and thank You Lord for the patience those trials bring
in that process of growing, I can learn to care

But it goes against the way I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do
for when those trials come, my human nature shouts the thing to do
and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored

I thank You Lord with each trial I feel inside
that You're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong
for You promised, Lord, that with every testing
that Your way of escaping's easier to bear

Thank You, Lord, for the victory that growing brings
in surrender of everything, life is so worthwhile
and I thank You Lord that when everything's put in place
out in front I can see Your face, and it's there You belong"

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"All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before You, O Lord
all my regrets, all my acclaims
the joy and the pain, I'm making them Yours

Lord, I offer my life to You
everything I've been through
use it for Your glory
Lord, I offer my days to You
lifting my praise to You
as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord, I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
all of my hopes, all of my plans
my heart and my hands are lifted to You"

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Utter faith and utter compliance..it's been a long while but hi! it's me again. In the face of all this turbulence and in the face of all this uncertainty...All this newness and all this doubt...hold me close and let me feel the beat of your heart. I know what I'm doing is right. I know it...but my last paycheck is in and with it, is the certainty of the struggles I'll face in the next few weeks and months until Nat confirms my status in the association. Lord, please help me make sense of this. I want for once to feel. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel..about anything really. I offer up all this to you like I've done on other occasions with the same earnest, with the same soft pleading for you to take over. Let me feel what I need to feel: whether in love, in glory or in misery. I know you have a further, bigger purpose for this and that all this will be made clear to me...just like you've made everything in the past clear to me in the last two years. Help me make sense of this so that I know how to move on and what step I should take next. I've run out of advice and solutions, I need to grow once more so that I can help others when they turn to me. You've given me wisdom, and you've given me heart. Please help me give to others as you have given to me. Amen.